We're all blessed..

So let me fill you in on a few things that have been going on..

I finally received my Bioness! Now, I wait for my vocational rehab counselor to schedule a time for my Mom and me to get properly trained in how to use them. Once trained, I will use them 3x a day, 20 minutes at a time, or when performing daily functions. For months I've been adapting and overcompensating for what I lack, so Im anxious to see how much return I'll get back from them. For those who may be confused how I use a phone or computer without moving my fingers, let me explain. For the computer, I have an apparatus I wear on my hand that allows me to peck one key at a time- very time consuming. My phone, however, is much easier. I have a strap on the back that allows me to hold it in my left hand, and my right thumb does all the typing. While I can't independently move my thumb, I can simply move my hand to navigate the screen, which is completely all touch. To regain use of my hands and fingers would be a major hurdle in my recovery. One of my small goals it to be able to sign my name.

Another step in the right direction was finally, after a long 2 1/2 months, getting my Medicaid back. It is 'limited', however, meaning it does not include dental, eye doctor, etc. For the most part, it covers the crucial parts- prescription meds, general Dr visits. One huge let down was discovering that Medicaid will not pay for any more impatient rehab. I was under the assumption that in July, when Medicaid's fiscal year restarted, that I would be allotted another 30 days at Methodist. I was wrong. With a hefty pricetag of a little over $15,000 a week, the possibility of returning to rehab seems unlikely. Unless some sort of miracle. Thus comes my delusional idea. Shameless self promotion via YouTube video. It seems like there are so many people/organizations out there with the funds, if my story could tug on the right heartstrings, perhaps Id have a chance at more impatient rehabilitation. I realize the worst I can do is embarrass me, but at best, I could get more help. It would also take the help of family and friends, to re-post, spread the word, send in to news station- whatever it takes. But, honestly, how do you tactfully beg for help?

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Amanda organized a benefit for me, hosted by the Bubble Lounge of Mobile, AL. Unlike previous benefits, and thanks to my best friend Katy and her boyfriend, I was able to attend. There was live music all night, donations at the door, a $1 towards me for every Coors Light, and a raffle with great prizes! It truly touches my heart the people who have come together to help and support me. Musicians who didn't know me offered to perform and Amanda planned and created the event all on her own accord. To know there are genuinely good and selfless people out there can really restore your faith after it had been previously destroyed.

That brings me to mentioning my last blog. It was not the usual upbeat tempo I am accustomed to. But like everyone else, I am only human and we all must vent. Certain actions from certain people had clouded my emotions and got the best of me, but like all my other obstacles, I have overcome them and find myself a better and stronger person. Beginning with the death of the best man I'll ever know, my father, life has presented me with many tough obstacles I never thought Id surpass. I know now, looking back, they were all preparing me for this. And like all the hurdles prior to my accident, I will prevail and become a better and stronger person because of it. Honestly, I feel like I've been a better person on wheels than I ever was on my feet.

I would like to end this blog on what my Facebook status was on the 13th, my 9 month anniversary...

"9 months ago today I could not lift my arm to scratch my nose. Today I am brushing my hair, brushing my teeth, painting, putting on my shirt and putting on my make up. Anxious to see what the next 9 months bring. Never accept defeat. With determination and the right attitude, anything is possible. You only lose when you stop trying."

Realizations..

Growing up, I was always told I didn't seem my age. Personally, I always felt like I had a decent head on my shoulders, like I grew up fast. This accident, however, has aged me more than any other event in my life. Aged me in sense of maturity and wisdom. They always say "I wish I knew then what I know now" and that couldn't be more true in my situation. And not even about the dive, but about myself and my relationships.

People who really know me, knows I grew up a fat kid. After moving to Hattiesburg I dropped about 75lbs, yet my self esteem remained that of an insecure girl who stood 5'5 and weighed 210. After a transformation like that, you really become quite cynical (at least I did). As a waitress I began to make more money, I began to actually get hit on by guys who would not have given me the time of day prior to weightloss. I slowly began to focus on my appearance, believing if I looked pretty, people would like me more, all the while my self esteem and self confidence plummeted. Whereas in high school I was a big girl with a big personality, the more attention I got for my looks, the lower my confidence got, and the more I could feel myself becoming more introverted (which is never a word to describe me..)

This all leads to the first time I cried after the accident. It must have been 2-3 wks after the accident. Not for reasons one would think, no pity for myself or my situation. But when my mom was reading caringbridge guestbook comments to me that I realized what I had doubted for so many years- people, even ones I didn't know or corresponded for years, cared about me. I cried because I felt the love from others and finally the love for myself I thought I lost. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought I impacted anyone's life in any way, shape or form (with the exception of my mom's wallet).

I have always been stubborn, you tell me I won't do something and I'll do it twice, and make sure to rub it in your face. That quality, plus the enormous amount of love, support and prayers from all over the world, is what fuels my recovery. To prove to myself and to others. That's not to say Im not normal, I have days I cry, Im sad, and I want to give up- but that is simply not an option. But this particular update is about realizations, and there have been more realizations about my relationships than anything else. First and foremost my family, who I've always been relatively close to, but perhaps drifted away from in the 5 yrs I was living on my own. I remember being in ICU and repeatedly thanking them over and over for being there for me... When in fact, that's what a family is there for, and I couldn't have asked for a better one. I don't know what Id do without them. Another thing that amazed me were the friends who came out to lift me up, some I had not seen/spoken with since high school. Two of my best friends now are people I barely spoke to since high school, which goes to show you who is really there for you for the right reasons. People I had my closest relationships with prior to the accident have not the time or the strength to stand beside me in my time of need. It has really made me roll back (since I don't step) and re-examine who really cares about me. It has been a hard journey, with an outcome I didn't want but am having to deal with. I truly believe the disappointments of certain people has hurt me more than the accident. Like I said on my Facebook, a broken heart hurts alot more than a broken neck. Some people have truly disappointed me. And finally, before leaving this topic, remember this (because I wish I had known it before)... Don't change your life for somebody else, because it's not guaranteed they'll change when your life changes.

I feel like this post has been a bit scattered, but to finish it off I want to thank people. Everyone who reads my blog and/or FB, thank you for continued interest and support in my recovery; to my Mom who, even before the accident, has always been my rock and without her Id be up a creek ( even if I had a paddle I couldn't use it ); my brothers and sisters, especially Kristen and Kenny, who have come over countless times to help or just visit; Rachel, who always seems to know when to send a card or care package in the mail to cheer me up; Katy Foster, for being my best friend since I been home and keeping my spirits up; and to God, of course, for keeping me alive and well so maybe in return I can help someone else.

God Bless :-)

Overdue updates

For those of you who follow me on Facebook, you probably get more updates about me than you'd like, everything from inspirational quotes, to broken hearted feelings, to Katy and Kristen banter. However, those coming over from Caringbridge, might be a little in the dark on my life and progress since my last CB post on December 18th, so let me fill you in.

Since my last CB update, I have turned a yr older, had my bathroom finished, spent a wonderful Christmas with my family, had my heart broken, been denied Medicaid, stopped going to Singing River for rehab, began at-home physical therapy, and Im sure alot more I can't spit off my tongue.

Christmas and my birthday was fantastic. My brother and sister-in-law were able to come from Tampa, FL. She is due in April with their first child (my 7th time to be an aunt!) so their trips will be far and few for a while. Also my favorite cousin, Alyssa, and her mom and brother came in my Texas, along with other various cousins, aunts and uncles from all over the Southeast. In case you didn't know, my birthday is also Christmas, and it was great to be surrounded by so many who love me. Here are the girls at Christmas:

My bathroom was completely gutted and reconstructed in exactly a week. It is awesome! It came out looking alot better than we expected. Let me tell you, showering is undoubtedly the biggest thing we take for granted. Try bed baths for a week, then imagine doing it for 5 months!!

2010 is gone and boy was I happy to see it go. Needless to say, not my best year. Granted, it was quite the learning experience. 2011 may be my hardest year yet, but I am ready to work hard. However, Medicaid is making it difficult...

The MS Medicaid office here in Pascagoula is ridiculous! It started in December when we went for a face-to-face interview, only to discover there is no wheelchair ramp! It is a 3" curb, which seems small when you're walking, but rolling it feels like dropping off a cliff. Then once I got inside, all the chairs had to moved to make way for Bulldozer Katy. Now, here we are 2 months later, going through the appeal process. Reason for denial? A 529 college account that my mother has in her name for my "benefit." I couldn't touch this money if I tried, and I have! However, the Medicaid office, who did not even know what a 529 was (and apparently Google, either) deemed it as my assets, therefore giving me too much money. It really is a load of bull, we will easily win the appeal, it is just the amount of time it has taken, which is almost a month now. Unfortunately, during this time, I've had to cancel 2 follow up appointments to Jackson, and also discontinue outpatient rehab at SRH.

Alas, it hasn't all been bad. Starting this week, I'll have a family friend/physical therapist come see me 2-3 times a week. I feel like I'll do much better with 1-on-1 therapy, plus he'll show me exercises to do on my own throughout the week. We'll begin by regaining my trunk control. After assessing me Wednesday, he determined my back muscles still work- GREAT news. It won't be easy, but nothing worth having is.
In other fantastic news, vocational rehab is paying for not 1, but 2 of the bioness!!!! The easiest way to describe bioness would be robot arms. Combined, they are a 13-14,000$ mechanism that will open and close my hands. Not only can they be used for daily functions, but they eventually retrain the muscles in my hands to open and close on their own. This will be a huge step forward and Im so thankful for vocational rehab for purchasing these for me.

In other news, we are thoroughly enjoying the high top van. In fact, a couple weeks ago my best friend took me to Cirque du Soleil. Now I want to be a "chaerialist" (chair-aerialist) we also sold the first van. Mother put the ad in one Friday, they looked at it Sunday, and bought it Tuesday! Our yard no longer looks like a used car lot.

Well, this was quite lengthy. Hopefully, I've brought everyone up-to-date with where I currently stand (Errrr.. Sit) I want to thank everyone for their support and for following my progress. I was born to do great things, and Im just now getting started.

Handicap isn't all bad

I've learned to look at my glass half full. That perspective, and my twisted sense of humor, has gotten me far in life. As I go through this journey I realize, being handicapped isn't all that bad. In no particular order, here are the perks that accompany my disability.

1. All my meals are prepared and served hot, even in bed!
2. Wearing the cutest shoes without worrying if they hurt my feet or not.
3. Good parking, of course.
4. And GREAT seats.
5. Along with #4, I always have a place to sit.
6. Strangers are incredibly nice to me.
7. My mom is like my personal hair stylist.
8. And personal make up artist.
9. AND personal shopper.
10. I can do laps without getting out of breath.
11. If ever mistreated, the ADA has got my back.
12. Service monkey!!? Need I say more
13. Pimping your chair is cheaper than pimping a car.
14. You never run out of goals for yourself
15. Thanks to vocational rehab I get a personal attendant.
16. I never have to worry about doing the dishes or cleaning.
17. Plenty of time to catch up on shows, movies, books, etc.
18. I can drink and drive without consequence.
19. Should there be said consequence, there is no way they're getting me in back of a cop car.
20. The ability to be more open minded towards all the little things we daily take for granted.

All a matter of perspective my friends!

My story

Well here I am. It has been nearly 8 months since my injury. For those who don't know, I was on a canoe trip June 13, 2010, with a group of friends when i dove into the creek unknowing the depth, or rather lack thereof. Immediately my body went numb, and there I was... face down in the creek unable to move. My mind racing, and I know my friends, knowing me, thought I was playin around. Just when I thought my lungs couldn't last another second, I was pulled out. The next few minutes would be the worst in my life as I frantically tried to comprehend what had just happened. As my friends tried to comfort and reassure me I would be ok, I already knew what I didn't want to admit- I was paralyzed.

What was probably only the next 30 minutes felt like a lifetime. As my mind raced, my body laid still, I calmly relayed all the necessary information to my friends and park rangers. Before I knew it, I was taking my first (and hopefully only) helicopter ride to Forrest General Hospital in Hattiesburg, MS. Amazingly enough, my biggest concern at the time was what my Mom was going to say and the cost of the helicopter ride. Although in my mind I knew I was paralyzed, I could not quite grasp the reality of it. Before long, I was at FGH getting prepped for surgery, then it all went black.

Two weeks would pass before I actually came to. I had been doped up on a drug that will not allow you to form memories, which I am thankful for after hearing about the severity of my condition in those first 14 days. Over the next four months I would endure and overcome a number of obstacles, including having a code blue called because of a mucous plug; emergency surgery due to a leaking feeding tube; a bedsore that wouldn't heal; and daily struggles dealing with my new reality.

This is my back story, my caringbridge was wonderful and my sister Kristen did a fantastic job, but it's time to start a new chapter. This blog is to help motivate myself and hopefully inspire and motivate you to live each day to the best of your ability, to not sweat the small stuff, and appreciate what you have. If I can inspire or bring a smile to your face, it will all be worth it.