Well I most certainly did not expect to be blogging today -or even this week or month. If you have not already heard the news, let me fill you in: my surgery was canceled. To spare you the details and make a long story short, here is a rundown of what happened. I was admitted Tuesday (17th) to start different antibiotics, IV, and to properly cleanse my entire body. Monday I had started my clear liquid diet as instructed to help with cleaning out my intestines. Well, apparently my mom is right and I am full of it. I was unable to completely clear out my body. In addition, late Tuesday night I became violently ill. I have not thrown up so much since my accident. (Brief lesson: since my injury I am not able to vomit like before. Sorry if this is TMI. When I become nauseous, I am usually only able to dry heave.) So throwing up like I did that night was quite unusual and took a lot out of me. Wednesday morning it was decided that I could not have the surgery at that time. The next possible surgery date would be March 7; however, this is almost impossible because of a few reasons. Late March I will be traveling to Oxford, MS, to be awarded as the recipient for the Sigma Nu Charity Bowl at Ole Miss University. It is highly unlikely that I could have the surgery in the beginning of March and be recovered enough to make a long trip in just a few short weeks. I also have intentions of attending the day program at the Shepherd Center in April. I am currently scheduled to be evaluated on March 1st to determine if I qualify for their program (which I have already been guaranteed that I will). After my evaluation, they will then schedule me to attend actual therapy, which would ideally be April.
So my options would be to have a bladder surgery on March 7, not be able to attend the fundraiser in my honor at Ole Miss, and have to further postpone going to the Shepherd Center-something I am rather unwilling to do. My only other option is to hold off on the surgery until some other time, yet I have no idea when. I will not lie and say this last week has been easy. I have been mentally preparing myself for the surgery since November. It has caused a lot of anxiety and mental anguish over the last couple of months. I was keeping the mind frame of one of my favorite mottos: “Hope for the best but plan for the worst.” When I would say that, I was hoping maybe I would only have to stay in the hospital for 5 days, but I was going to plan to have to stay for 14 days. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that my surgery would be canceled. I have overcome a lot of obstacles since my accident: A pressure sore keeping me in the hospital for three months; a feeding tube leaking into my stomach leading to emergency surgery; having a poor seating system and intense spasticity that has helped in causing severe scoliosis; being denied Medicaid.. It is always seems like there's something. Two step forward three steps back, right? Even before the accident, I was an optimist. My glass is half full and I always try to find different perspectives, but the surgery ordeal has really hit me hard. But I keep telling myself there must be some reason this is happened. I must believe that God did not want me to have the surgery for some reason, at least not at this time. Perhaps one day I will know why or perhaps I'll never know, but I have to believe. Sometimes a little belief and faith is all we have to hang on to.
So that has been my last week. I have been putting my emotions into my art and been painting more. Keeps me focused, calms my mind, works out some of the smaller muscles in my arm, and helps me work on my control and holding my hand steady- it's a win-win all around!