These hands are small I know

Kudos to you if you knew the title of my blog was a Jewel song ;o)

What a slacker I have been! In my defense, it has been a crazy couple of weeks. Let me begin by telling you how great the River Run was! It was a beautiful day, we had a great turnout and I was able to spend the afternoon at Sea Dawgs where we had live music, a couple of venders, and friends and family all day long. I was so fortunate to be able to meet so many people who have been supporting me throughout my journey. In addition, I am so extremely blessed and appreciative towards all the winners who donated their prize money back to me. It was more than I could have ever asked for.

At the River run

Following the River Run, I began to have issues with swelling in my legs. While swelling is common in spinal cord injury, my legs were also red and hot to the touch. Originally, my therapist thought it was a blood clot and I immediately went to the hospital to have an ultrasound done. Fortunately, there were no blood clots found. At night, I would elevate my legs so that if it were fluid causing the swelling, it would go down. However, the swelling stayed consistent and even seemed worse after a few days. My family doctor thought perhaps it was cellulitis and prescribed me an antibiotic. 10 days later and nothing had improved. During this time, I began to feel increasingly lethargic and tired. Tuesday the 12th I had an appointment at Methodist rehab with my neurologist for a basic check up. All he could say about the swelling was that it is “typical” for spinal cord injuries. I am not fully satisfied with this answer, but what can you do? He also prescribed a new muscle relaxer to take in combination with the 60mg of baclofen I take daily because my spasms have been getting worse and worse. Needless to say, combined with already feeling lethargic and tired, the new addition of medication turned me into a complete zombie. It took five days before it tapered off enough for me to feel normal again. But then, two days later, I had to double the dose, which means the last five days have been a blur and have consisted of many naps. Didn’t I tell you the last couple weeks have been sort of crazy? Well, along with the swelling and new drugs, I also had to deal with a nasty UTI that I had to cope with almost a whole week before getting on yet another antibiotic. I laid in bed for 2 days with a fever of 101.5 feeling absolutely miserable. Finally, last Tuesday, I woke up and for the first time in a week and a half, I felt good again. I had forgotten what it felt like! Of course, it was the next day I had the double my dose of the muscle relaxer, but other than that, I was back to normal. I wish I could say this is the extent of my crazy couple of weeks, but during this time I also had to deal with my dog being lost. For those who didn’t know, my ex boyfriend in New Orleans has my 1.5 year old little Rat Terrier, Ziggy, who has a large portion of my heart. She is as sweet as can be and also quite energetic. For that reason, I know it would be too hard for my mother to have to care for both me and a very hyper puppy. Plus, in New Orleans, Ziggy has a backyard she can roam around and have other dogs for her to socialize and stay entertained. It breaks my heart that I have not seen her since the day before the accident. Well, Monday the 11th, Ziggy somehow got out. All I could think about were all the busy intersections that surrounded my old neighborhood, combined with how quick she moves. It was a very long and agonizing five days before she finally came home on her own, without a scratch, late Friday night.

Ziggy as a pup

So, after the “high” of the River Run, the extreme “lows” and the stress of the swollen legs, the new muscle relaxer, the horrible UTI, and my dog being lost, the last few weeks have proven to be emotionally and physically exhausting! But they are over with, and today is a new, positive day! 


I really want to talk about my hands. I realize that if you never personally been around somebody with a spinal cord injury, you may not realize the extent of what that injury causes. Now, I never took anatomy but I have learned a lot since my accident, so allow me give you a brief lesson on the spinal cord. There are three sections to your vertebrae, the lumbar is the lowest part of your back; the largest section is the middle section, which is your thoracic; and finally the cervical vertebrae, which is what your neck consists of. From top to bottom it goes C1-C7, T1-T12, L1-L5. The spinal cord basically controls everything, it is what the brain uses to send signals to the entire body. It controls bladder function, bowel function, muscle control, temperature regulation, sensation and of course, movement. The higher the vertebrae, the worse the injury. For example, a cervical injury results in paralysis from as high to the neck, whereas injury to the lumbar usually results in paralysis to the hip level. There is a COMPLETE spinal cord injury and an INCOMPLETE spinal cord injury. With a complete injury, your spine is completely severed, meaning you have absolutely no sensation or feeling below the point of injury. The likelihood of recovery after a complete injury is highly unlikely. My injury, however, is incomplete. With an incomplete injury, doctors cannot tell you what may or may not occur with your recovery. There is actually no way of knowing because there is no way to judge what nerves were and were not damaged. In fact, there have been cases of people with incomplete injuries who regain bladder and bowel function years after their injuries. All incomplete injuries are totally different, you cannot compare any incomplete injuries. It is because I have a incomplete injury that I have full sensation. I can feel something is touching my legs, but I cannot distinguish between sharp and soft. I can tell when I have a full bladder, but I cannot control the urge or the muscles to hold or release it. I also cannot feel temperature below my neck, you could lay icepack on my stomach and I would not flinch. My body thermometer is basically broken. I do not sweat, so I must be extra careful out in the heat.

Having a C5 fracture, doctors originally predicted it I would have no movement passed the biceps- which is typical for a C5. However, having that incomplete status proves there is no way to determine my possible recovery outcome. Not only am I able to move past my biceps, but I also have wrist control/movement- which is actually a “characteristic” of a C6 injury. Remember, the lower the better. Honestly, the wheelchair is the easy part. It is the lack of hand function that makes life a daily struggle. If you want a real challenge, try to go just an hour with no finger function.

This is not my hand and I do not wear a brace, but just to give you an idea

I’ve posted a picture to illustrate what my hands look like, but just hold up your hand and let your fingers go limp. I have no grasp, meaning anything I do must be adapted in some way. My eating utensils have handles that fit my hand; my makeup is built up with large pieces of foam; at home I use sippy cups; my hairbrush and cell phone have straps that allow me to hold on to it. I cannot hold a sandwich without it falling apart. Eating nachos? Forget about it! Chips are way too thin for me to grasp. Just think of all the things you use your fingers for! To use the computer, I have a large old-school trackball mouse; a typing apparatus that allows me to chicken peck each letter; and Dragon Dictation when it comes to “writing” long blogs such as this. To play the Wii, I have the remote strapped my hand and I used my left hand to press my right hand to hit the buttons. Needless to say, any games that involve holding down a button while simultaneously moving are out of the question. While I am able to do my makeup with the foam buildups, I am not able to open any of it. When we go out shopping, I am not able to pick up anything off the rack to look. Even my new manual wheelchair has knobs on the push rims so I am able to maneuver it; otherwise, I would not be able to grasp the wheels to move it. While it is great that I have the Bioness units for my hands that stimulate the muscles in my hand to open and close, I am not able to put the Bioness on myself; nor is it easy or practical to take them places where they would be useful.

An example of the type of buildup I use to eat

What I use to type

My lack of hand control is my biggest struggle, it is what makes life the hardest. When I get frustrated or sad about my situation, it is mostly because of my hands. But even still, when I find I’m getting upset I always remind myself how much worse it could be. I imagine how hard life would be if the doctors prediction would have been correct. How can I complain about lack of finger function when I should just be blessed that I can move past my biceps? I think about how much harder life would be if I couldn’t move my arms at all. Like I always say, it is all about perspective. There is rarely a case when things really just could not be any worse. Sometimes it drives me crazy when I get on Facebook and see the things that people complain about. I would love for my only problem to be that it’s Monday and I’m exhausted from the weekend! You really don’t realize how good you have it until it is gone. It’s the little things you take for granted. Like taking a shower. For three months I had nothing but bed baths. All I wanted was a real shower; how often when you‘re in the shower do you think, “this could be my last” because I‘ll tell you what- I sure didn‘t think that June 12, 2010. I would have had extra appreciation for standing in the shower by myself for long as I wanted. Today, getting a shower is almost exhausting. Having to use the Hoyer lift to transfer to and from the shower chair and having my mother assist with everything. But I still think back to the bed baths and learn to appreciate what I have now. Like I said before, it’s the little things you take for granted. The next time you want to complain or get upset about something, really consider it. You might discover it’s not so bad after all.  Learn to count your blessings and not your problems.

Stay tuned for the next entry: "Devotees, Pretenders and Fetishes- Oh My!!"

The biggest disability in life is having a bad attitude..

Well, as usual, never a dull moment around here! In fact, sometimes I cannot believe how fast the days go by. I am so happy to announce that the Southern Belle T-shirt fundraiser is OVER!! We started selling them in April; 2 ½ months later, we have sold over 1500 shirts!! Thanks to Southern Belle, Laura Cole, Brad Martin, and everyone who bought shirts and donated money, we have raised roughly $14,000! This is enough for one month and some change at the Shepherd Center in Atlanta!! Never in my wildest dreams did I expect this to be such a phenomenal success. I am so extremely grateful and blessed to have such wonderful support. One month is great, but just like they say about company- the more the merrier! This is a marathon, not a race. I will continue to advertise and fundraise until I can get all the help I need. The next fundraiser is only a week from tomorrow, July 9. A River Run, hosted by Sea Dawgs in Moss Point, will be take place between 8am-4pm. Tickets are $50, there´ll be live music and food all afternoon at Sea Dawgs, along with a few arts and crafts vendors. I will be at Sea Dawgs that afternoon for all the fun! For all information please visit Katy Blake River Run. If you are interested in volunteering in any way, there will be a meeting Tuesday, July 5, at Sea Dawgs at 6pm. For those on the Gulf Coast, please help us in spreading the word!
 

This past Tuesday, Laura and I had a brief interview with Fox 10 out of Mobile, AL. It was a live interview and we had no preparation whatsoever, but I think we did a pretty OK job (that has been the general consensus, anyway). If you have yet to see the story, you may do so here. Wednesday afternoon I had an amazing interview with USA Today. I have no idea what section or when it will be published, but just the fact that it´s USA Today is  very exciting! I will be informed when it is posted and of course I will share the link here and on Facebook. I get so nervous doing these interviews, that probably sounds crazy, I mean I definitely know my story by heart, but there is so much to it that I don´t want to leave out anything when telling it. When speaking with the reporter from USA Today, at first she said she was worried about asking anything too personal. I had to laugh. I always say that when I became "conscious" two weeks after the accident and realized I had been getting bed baths, I was mortified. I have always been extremely modest. That went out the window real quick! I don´t know what personal space is anymore. Especially when it comes to talking about the accident, I have no issues with it; in fact, I find that when I talk about it, it helps me. When I was in the hospital, no one ever brought up the accident. I suppose they were waiting on me to say something first, and the first time I actually talked about it, I cried like a baby. I do not mind talking about it at all, but I hate to think of the exact moment  when it happened. Thinking back to how scared I was,I  truly believed I was going to drown. Each time after that it has gotten easier and easier. If my story can help inspire others or prevent another diving accident from happening, I will talk about it until I´m hoarse! The USA Today reporter even said I should write a book. So when you hear of "Rants and Ramblings of a Quadriplegic Diva"- that will be me! People always say I should be a motivational speaker, but I hate to talk in public... I would much rather just be a motivational writer.

 

While all the media coverage has been wonderful and truly helpful, it was never my intention to be famous. That is the farthest thing from my mind! I just want to get the help I need and believe that I deserve. If I become famous for anything, I wanted to be for being a walking quadriplegic. I want to be proof to others that miracles do happen. I want to provide strength for those who believe they are weak. I want others to see you can overcome adversity. That with hard work and a positive attitude, you can achieve what you truly desire. Half the battle is believing you can do it. Of course some days it is hard not to get frustrated, but you should not give up- push through the frustration, use it as strength. The feeling of accomplishment is a feeling like no other, it is something that no one can take away from you.
 

I cannot believe it is Fourth of July weekend already! I think back to last year when I was in ICU for July 4. My family and my nurses decorated my room with American flags, glow necklaces, and other festive decorations. I had a great corner room and I could hear fireworks going off all night. The only thing that upset me was the fact that I did not get to eat any BBQ! I will definitely rectify that tomorrow. My brother, his wife and new baby (Olivia Jane- 3 months), are on their way as we speak from Tampa, FL. We have yet to meet Olivia so we´re all very excited. In addition, I will have roughly 20+ cousins/aunts and uncles for a get together tomorrow. Along with 5 of my siblings, 2 nieces and 4 nephews, it should be a very exciting weekend!! Yes, in case you did not know, I come from a large (and wonderful) family! One other thing I want to mention regarding this holiday weekend, any time really, is safety. It should not have to be said, but PLEASE do not drink and drive. Always remember to wear your seatbelt. Do not dive where you do not know the depth of the water. Don´t push others in the water. Spinal cord injury does not care who you are, it could happen to anyone anywhere at any time.

My first year

This past Monday, June 13, was the one year anniversary of my accident. At the last minute I decided to throw a party to celebrate my “gimp birthday.” People who know me well, or at least people who see my Facebook updates, were not at all surprised that I decided to celebrate this. Like my mother said, it is a celebration of the first year of my new life. Because I had such short notice in planning the party, I was not able to get a lot of things I would’ve really liked: a piñata of someone in a wheelchair; creating a spinoff of pin the tail on the donkey- put the neck brace on the gimp; and a cake with the no diving sign. Despite this, and only giving a 24-hour notice, I had a good turnout and we had a great time.

I am very thankful for friends, family and fans who have been so supportive and have helped me cope through the first year of my injury. I cannot believe it has already been a year, it has gone by so extremely fast! Of course, four of the 12 months were spent in the hospital, but it feels like just yesterday I was getting home from Methodist. Emotionally, I know this must be the toughest year to handle. I will not lie and say it has been easy, it hasn‘t. This past weekend was definitely tough, thinking of my life a year prior. For the most part, I keep a positive and humorous attitude, but I am not super woman. I have my weak moments and sometimes when I really think about the accident, I cry. Even typing this blog is making me tear up. I think about the moment it happened, when I was face down in the water, unable to move and thinking I was going to drown. It is, without a doubt, the scariest moment of my life. It is unreal to think of how easily I could have died that day. After I was pulled out, I kept exclaiming to my best friend, “I cannot be paralyzed!” I don’t know how I kept my cool on the exterior when on the inside I was frantic and panicking. Although she tried to calm me down, suggesting that perhaps it was just a pinched nerve, I knew it was more. I thought my life was over. I did not think I had the strength emotionally to cope with this disability… Boy was I wrong.  I could not fathom what my new life was going to be like. I had no idea what a blessing in disguise this would really be.

The first two weeks in the hospital I was on a drug called Versed which does not allow you to make memories. Although I was conscious, I do not recall much of the first two weeks. I do remember shortly after the accident, when doctors predicted that I would have no movement passed my biceps, I immediately decided I would not listen. At first the only movement I could do was a “chicken wing” type of movement. I can’t imagine how silly I looked, but that never stopped me from trying to move my arms. Before long, I was able to stretch out my right arm. My right side is definitely my dominant side and has progressed much further and quicker than my left side. I remember laying in the ICU, unable to talk, watching the same movies over and over, and religiously moving my arms as much as possible for hours on end. When the accident first happened, I could not feel or move anything below my neck. A month later, after I was told I would have nothing pass my biceps, I was moving my arms more than they thought I would. Now here I am, a year later, and I just got a manual chair that I am able to push myself around in. I can’t go very quick, or very far without feeling the burn, but it is more than was ever expected of me. Sometimes it is hard to tell how much improvement I have really made, then I take in consideration that when I came home in a manual chair from Methodist eight months ago, I was unable to push myself. It just goes to show that while day-to-day you might not notice the progress, but in the long run hard work and determination really does pay off.

People probably think I’m crazy when I say this accident was a blessing in disguise. While I’ve always believed in God, I am not an overly religious person. Growing up, I couldn’t understand why I had to deal with so many hardships, I felt like it wasn’t “fair.” Little did I know, those obstacles were making me stronger and preparing me for the greatest challenge of my life. I do believe the accident was God intervening in my life. Prior to June 13, 2010, I was going nowhere fast. I was financially stressed, in debt and living from shift to shift; I was constantly putting off getting back into school because of finances and uncertainty of what to do with my life; and apparently I was in an unhealthy relationship. To be honest, and you may think I’m crazy, I always felt like something ‘drastic’ would happen to me. Growing up, it seemed like I was the only one in my group of friends who could not figure out what to do with my life. I had often times wondered if I could not figure out my future because something tragic would happen to me. Since the accident, I have decided I want to work with people who have disabilities. Had it not been for the accident, I would never have come to this decision and would probably still be living shift to shift with no real direction. Had it not been for the accident, I would still be in a relationship that I apparently was not meant to be in. Had it not been for the accident, I would not have realized my own inner strength and the impact I can have on other people. Because of the accident, I have made many new and lifelong friends while at the same time coming to the realization of who my real friends are and people who were only my friend because it benefited them in some way. Because of the accident, I have a new role as being inspiration to people, something I do not take lightly nor try to take advantage of. Because of the accident, I have become much closer to my family and to God. Because of the accident, I am stronger and better version of myself. I learned that who I am is not based on my disability, whether I walk again or not, I am still Katy and no one can take that from me.

There have been many pros and cons stemming from my accident, but I do not dwell on the cons. Why? Because it does absolutely no good. There is no back button in life. You cannot change what has already happened, you can only control how you deal with it. If you are busy living in the past, you’ll miss out on great things happening in the present. Your attitude can really change everything about a situation. I know it is cliché, but when life hands you lemons, you must learn to make lemonade (I like to add a shot of vodka in there, too). I mean, really, what else can you do? Also, there is no use crying over spilled milk. Just clean up the mess and keep going. If I had spent last year dwelling on all the cons stemming from my accident, I would have missed out on so many great opportunities and I would not be this far into my recovery. We all have the power to make a positive change in our life. Sometimes, having a positive attitude is really just about perspective. There are very few times when things cannot be much worse. Even in my situation, I realize how lucky I am not to have a brain injury, to have a higher injury (C1-C4), or to have a complete injury. Sure, an incomplete C5 injury is bad, but it could be worse- I could be dead. How can I be upset when there are people who have it much worse? When things seem bad, it really does help to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and you will realize, it could always be worse. Be thankful for what you have, because it can all change in an instant.

So in addition to the excitement of getting my manual chair this week, I have other exciting news. Sometime in July, I should finally be getting placed on the SCI Medicaid Waiver program. Even though I automatically qualify, I had to specifically call and request to be placed on a waiting list back in April. With the Waiver program, I will be allowed to hire a personal care attendant (PCA). This will be great because it will give my mom a break from the 24 hour job of taking care of me. Once I move away and get into school, a PCA will be crucial to my independence. Another exciting thing about the Waiver program is it will allow me to receive full Medicaid benefits. With full Medicaid benefits, I am allotted another 30 days of in-hospital care. Since I do not plan on being in the hospital for an extended period of time, I plan on using these 30 days to go back to Methodist Rehab. Unlike The Shepherd Center, Methodist provides 24 hour nursing care, so when I go I am not going to have my mother come with me. She has been by my side since the night of the accident, not only will this allow her to have a break, but will also help me relearn my independence. I will use the money raised from the fundraisers and donations to attend the Day Program at The Shepherd Center. The Day Program consists of therapy Monday-Friday, 9am-4pm. While attending the Day Program, Shepherd provides free housing but that does not include meals, nursing care, etc., therefore, my mom will have to stay with me the entire time. The Shepherd Center has been my dream rehab from the start, it is one of the top rehabilitation centers in the country. I am also in the process of filling out paperwork to be placed in the database at Frazier Rehab in Louisville, KY, to see if I’m eligible candidate for any future research studies. Please keep me in your prayers that I meet the criteria to participate in a research project.

We had our Southern Belle T-shirt distribution this past Friday. It was a great success and I was so happy that I could be there to see and express my gratitude to everyone who bought and sold shirts. We’re doing our final order, which will end on June 26. You can find all the information and order forms here. You are not just buying the shirt, you are changing a life!  We also have the River Run coming up in less than a month. Tickets are now on sale, you can purchase them from any of the participating fishing camps or from my sister, Kristen, who is selling them at Hinman Chiropractic. 

One final thing I would like to mention is Father’s Day, which is coming up Sunday. It has been 13 years since my Dad passed away, but not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. I relish in knowing that he would be so proud of my attitude and how proactive I am in my recovery. I have no doubt that he is my angel and has been watching over me all these years, especially this last year. He was such a fantastic man who always put his family first. I look forward to the day I get to see him again. If you are still lucky enough to have your father in your life, be sure to appreciate and celebrate it every day, not just on Father’s Day.

Roller Coaster Ride

The last 24 hours has been truly been a roller coaster ride. Since I know there are those that follow me on here that are not on Facebook, please allow me to fill you in. Last week I was contacted by someone in the marketing department of Facebook. They came across Help Katy Back to Rehab and were very interested in helping by sharing my story on a Facebook page called “Best of Facebook Stories.” I, of course, was very excited and honored to do so. I understand that since my injury I have a new role as someone people look up to. Sometimes I laugh to myself when I think about it, I really don’t think I’m anything special and I am just handling the situation the only way I know how. Nonetheless, I feel very blessed to be able to be an inspiration and it is something I do not take lightly or try to take advantage of. I’d like to think people can relate to me because just barely over a year ago, I was like everyone else with no disabilities living their life. I lived on my own, held a job for years as a waitress, had a serious boyfriend, hung out with great friends and looked forward to getting back into school. Just your typical 24-year-old woman harmlessly minding her own business and in an instant everything changed. Back to the subject at hand, I was contacted on the evening of June 3rd; the next morning I immediately got on the computer and typed up my story. There are so many different components to my story that it is difficult to type it out, the most detailed account would be this blog entry - We must be the change we want to see in the world - I was so excited about my story being featured on “Best of Facebook Stories” since they have nearly 62,000 followers. Then I discovered they also shared my story on another Facebook page called “Non-Profits on Facebook.” WOW, I thought… This page has only 448,000 followers!!! By this point, my phone was blowing up with Facebook notifications. So many genuine messages of sweet words of support and encouragement, tons of friend requests by people who were inspired by me, and the Help Katy to Rehab page instantly started jumping up in numbers. In a brief moment of senselessness, I decided to add anyone who requested me. I figured what harm could it do. I was so giddy I was beside myself, I think my upper body even tried to jump out of bed! How could this go wrong? My story of overcoming the odds with a positive attitude was being spread to hundreds of thousands of people; after all, the whole purpose of the page was to spread awareness and gain recognition. My roller coaster was slowly coasting to the top.

So many people were reaching out and I was trying my best to respond to each one because I was truly touched by all the support I was getting. That is when things started turned sour. I was informed that somebody “liked” my Facebook page, Katy Blake- Public Figure. The problem with this was that I had not created that page and did not know who did. My roller coaster had a quick and drastic drop. Right away I went into panic mode. I immediately “liked” myself (kind of funny to say) and posted on “my” wall that I had not created that page or knew who was behind it. Within a minute, my post was deleted and I was blocked from leaving any further comments. That was when “Katyland Security Advisory System” went off the charts. It is like when you have your car or your house broken into, you feel violated that somebody else has invaded your personal space. I felt sick knowing someone else was impersonating me and talking to people posing as me. Very, very bad went to much, much worse when I thought about the fact that they could use my story to scam people for money. I was in a full-blown level 10 freak out mode. Luckily, I made friends with the girl who contacted me from Facebook marketing. I told her the situation and asked if there’s anything she could do to help have it deleted. At the same time, I posted a link to it on my personal Facebook and my friends and family wasted no time in reporting it as being a fake profile. By 11 PM it was deleted.

It was not an hour later that another fake profile was created. This time, however, it was an actual personal profile. By this point, I had accepted nearly 200 people as friends without a fleeting thought. But this new fake profile had personal information that one can only access if they were on my friends list on MY Facebook. Now I knew that whoever was behind this had befriended me and I had no clue who it was. They had my education information, birthday, hometown, likes and interest, and used my profile picture. I tried to befriend “myself” and informed whoever it was that they had already been reported and that the page was going to be deleted. They, of course, did not respond. I contacted my new friend who works at Facebook and explained that it had happened again. It was getting close to midnight and all she could do was tell me that it would have to wait until first thing in the morning, as everybody who works for Facebook was now off of work. By noon today, the fake profile was gone. Now I have four individual contacts who work at Facebook for any further inconveniences, definitely not a bad connection to have! To prevent another “Public Figure” page from being created, I went ahead and did so myself: Katy Blake Public Figure There is no purpose to this page except to direct people to the correct Help Katy Back to Rehab page and to prevent anyone else from trying to impersonate me.

One final thing that I discovered last night was that not only was my story published on “Best of Facebook Stories” and “Non-Profits on Facebook,” a combined total of 509,603 people, it had also been published on Facebook’s “Facebook” page, which at this exact moment has 44,733,051 followers. I think my heart skipped a beat, dropped to the pit of my stomach, and stopped all at the same time. 44,733,051!!??! That is absolutely insane! Let me briefly mention one great aspect that has come from creating the Help Katy Back to Rehab page- it has restored my faith in humanity. I think you can all understand where I’m coming from when I say this, but it seems like everywhere you turn, you are met with some disgusting and shocking act of another person. It could be at Walmart, it could be driving, it could be on Facebook, but really all you have to do is turn on the news. There is so much violence, hate, crude and lewd behavior in today’s society it is sickening. You have politicians that can’t keep it in their pants and mothers who murder their children (or vice versa) without a second thought. Sometimes you wonder what mankind is coming to and what ever happened to good morals?

Since creating my Facebook page, I have had hundreds, if not thousands, of people  reach out to me in support. People who never met me wanting to donate, participate in fundraisers, or just to say a prayer for me. There are so many wonderful stories and great people out there and it is a shame that society focuses more on scandal and negativity. Back to my original point, when I discovered my story had been shared on the official “Facebook” page, I just had to go check it out. The last time I looked, my story had received 3,241 comments. Now I can only imagine this was how a celebrity feels like with Perez Hilton or other celebrity gossip websites. You’re not sure you want to see what everybody says, but curiosity gets the best of you and you decide to look anyways. Needless to say, I saw a little bit of everything. And I do mean everything. All sorts of different languages, people looking for hot girls or hot guys, spammers, people complaining about game requests, a lot the mumbo-jumbo that had nothing to do with the story. But then there are also different kinds of comments that did relate the story. There were lots of people who commented that they were inspired, I touched their hearts, thanking me for sharing my story and that they were supporting me and praying for me. Then there are comments on the whole other side of the spectrum. I guess that is the beautiful and ugly thing about the Internet, especially Facebook. It is a free forum for anybody who has any sort of thought in their head to spew it out of their mouth. I think the most degrading comment I read was that I, “was beautiful but it’s too bad that now I am a cripple. Does her mouth still work?” I was flabbergasted! It is almost like I was punishing myself, because I kept reading more and more of the comments and was feeling so insulted and hurt. I finally had to stop. I wanted so badly to defend myself, but I knew better, it definitely would not do any good; in fact, it would probably only fuel the fire. As much as it bothers me, by the same token it does not even phase me. I am extremely fortunate to have a wonderful family, great friends, and a fantastic support system of people who have never even met me. I have overcome so much more than anybody expected and I am not going to let some stranger’s immature and inconsiderate comments slow me down. Like they say, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Except in my case, it was the bottom of the creek that broke my bones!

Whew, that was quite a lot to get off my chest. I told you it has been a crazy 24 hours! Despite all the craziness, there was a bit of really good news this morning. Before I woke up, Mom was contacted by the Frazier Rehab in Louisville, Kentucky. I made initial contact last week expressing interest in their Spinal Cord Injury Research Program. For those who do not know, this is where they made a significant breakthrough in the recovery of paralysis a few weeks ago:Paraplegic man stands on own and walks with assistance. So, needless to say, it is a fantastic facility and I would be thrilled and honored to go there. I am waiting on paperwork that I will fill out and return and then wait to hear back. Please keep me in your prayers as I hope to be eligible to be a research candidate.

The Southern Belle fundraiser has also been going well. We received the second batch of orders last week, which was sooner than we expected, considering this order has roughly 1,050 shirts. We will be having a distribution this Friday, June 10, from 3 PM- 6 PM at Hinman Chiropractic, located on Market Street in Pascagoula. Please understand it is nearly impossible to accommodate every body in regards to finding a time to distribute. If you are unable to make it this Friday, the shirts will be available anytime after this weekend at Hinman Chiropractic, Monday-Thursday between 9 AM-5 PM (not available between 12-1:30). If you are unable to come during those times, please contact me at katy.blake@ymail.com and we will set up a special arrangement. If you are having your shirts shipped, they will be sent Saturday morning, June 11. If you have not ordered a shirt and would like to, please visit http://www.rehabforkaty.formyfriends.org/tshirt.html for all the information and order forms. Deadline is June 26 and this will more than likely be our final order. You’re not just buying a T-shirt, you’re helping to change a life!

I hope this blog was not too scattered like my mind has been all day. I really enjoy writing these blogs and really appreciate those who take the time to read them. I cannot believe the 13th will be my one year anniversary of my injury. No one believes me when I tell them I want to have a swimming party! What can I say, that’s just the kind of person I am! God bless you all!!

Hakunu Matata!

Since there are those of you who follow me on my blog and not on Facebook, it has been quite an exciting week! First I will mention the Southern Belle fundraiser. As I previously said, the success was phenomenal! Our final count turned out to be 1,271 shirts!! Although we originally intended to fax the order last Monday, it was not placed until Friday due to late orders trickling in all week. This was such a big order that Southern Belle even had to order more supplies when we told them how many we would need. I am also happy to announce our T-shirt is one of Southern Belle’s top-selling shirts! We ask for your patience as we wait 2-3 weeks for this large second order (1,041 shirts!).  If you are an early bird and got your order turned in by May 2nd then Laura has either already contacted you or, if it is being shipped, it is in route as we speak. The first order could not have come in at better timing! Yesterday morning (Friday), Doug Walker from WLOX came to my house to interview Laura, my mother and myself. It aired on the 6:00 news last night and already our numbers have drastically jumped. Laura and I both wore our shirts with pride for the segment which turned out to be the best thing we could have done. Between Laura and myself, we have gotten tons requests about how to purchase a shirt. Because of this, we have decided to put the order form back up by the end of this weekend. I do not know the turn-in date for this order yet, but it will of course be posted on the resource page and the Facebook page once we have all the details sorted out. Please keep in mind we are not professionals, everyone who has been so graciously helping me are volunteers and have lives of their own. We try to respond to everyone as quickly as possible, but please keep this in mind if it takes us a while. If you are interested in ordering shirt, you may sign up for the e-mail list. As soon as we start taking more orders you will be immediately notified. You may register here:

Sign up for e-mail list!

Here is Laura and I in our shirts!

I continue to find myself blessed to be considered an inspiration to people, especially those who have never met me. Of course I have my bad days as well, but for the most part I have the attitude of “I will beat this!” but it has definitely been a roller coaster. It would not be normal for me to be positive and upbeat all the time, but when I find myself feeling down and throwing a pity party, I remind myself of all the blessings I have. I remind myself it could have been so much worse. I remind myself I have friends and family who are there for me, who love and support me. I remind myself that everything happens for a reason, that we may not understand it for a long, long time. When you find yourself in these situations, whatever the reason may be for your heartache or pain, you must take things into perspective. Think about those who are not as fortunate as you. I rarely find a situation where I cannot say “well, things could be much worse!” There have been many bumps in my road, when in the hospital it always seemed like two steps forward, three steps back. And though sometimes that would discourage me, at least it was not only backward steps. I truly believe in this quote and try to live by it daily, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react.” While you cannot control some people or situations, they cannot control you either. Only you can decide how to deal with tough situations and no one can take that from you. Like my shirts says… Will you say “why me?” or “try me!” I challenge you all to grab the bull by the horns and hold on- it’s going to be a rough, but fun, ride.

 You can check out both my stories from WLOX and WGUD below!

WLOX story & video

WGUD video

Overdue Updates

I apologize for the lack of updates over the last couple of weeks, things have been quite crazy and hectic- overwhelming to say the least. Between Mother’s Day, fundraisers, benefits, outpatient therapy and daily life, it feels like my mind never finds the rare moment of rest. Before I get into this entry I want to briefly talk about why I began this blog. It began as a continuation of my CaringBridge Journal which my sister, Kristen, consistently updated during my four months in the hospital/rehab. Family, friends and people I’ve never even met followed me on my journey of recovery. Once I was back at home, I took the responsibility of updating people of my recovery myself. I decided to close the CaringBridge chapter, of the updates when my family did not know what was going to happen next; what my fate was to be; scary and sad moments that are far behind me. This blog was to start a new chapter of my journey. My recovery in my own words. Far away from ventilators, feeding tubes and pressure sores. Originally, my purpose of this blog was simply to update people of my progress, but as time has gone on, it has evolved into so much more. With this blog I aim to not only update people of new and exciting things happening in my recovery, but also to inspire others while continuing to be inspired; relate with those also in my situation; provide insight to the daily life of a person with a spinal cord injury; vent my aggression and express my concerns. While you may not agree or understand everything I say, I just ask for you to respect it. With that being said, let me jump into what has been going on in these last couple of weeks…

Although the Southern Belle fundraiser was to be completed Monday (5/16) we still have people calling trying to turn in orders. While we do not want to turn anyone away, at some point we have to stop postponing the order. The success of this fundraiser is phenomenal. I do not have a definite number for you yet, every time I ask Laura it has gone up, but it is definitely safe to say it is in the four digits. When we first began on this journey we thought how amazing it would be to sell 100 shirts. Needless to say, our success has been 10x that. Laura has truly been like an angel. Without ever having met me, she started and coordinated this entire fundraiser. Of course, neither Laura or I could have done this without the help of our new friend Brad Martin. Brad has not only publicized my story through WHIL, but has taken it upon himself to create and be the administrator of www.rehabforkaty.formyfriends.org. He has also been a big part of the behind-the-scenes organization with the T-shirt fundraiser. Sometimes, in today’s seemingly immoral society, you lose faith in mankind. Being a person with a spinal injury you definitely confront discrimination and prejudice. You realize how many people do not provide handicap accessibility. You instantly notice people of all classes and ages stare at you like you are sickly and if they get too close they’ll catch your disability. And God forbid if I have a muscle spasm. But since starting my Facebook page, the overwhelming amount of support and prayers from across the world has given me a new confidence that I thought I lost. Laura and Brad, I know you’re both reading this, your unselfish kindness has impacted my life more than I can ever express and for that I’m forever indebted to each of you. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, this accident and events following has forever changed who I am. Prior to my injury I was “going nowhere fast.” Today, I have a sense of peace I never had before that hot June afternoon. Like my dear friend Karen Skeen said about herself, I also believe the same about me- “I have been a better person on 4 wheels than I ever was on my 2 feet” (though technically I am on 6 wheels). I am not going to lie, the situation is not a walk in the park by any means, but through it all I have realized my true inner strength. I have a new favorite quote that I truly believe summarizes everything I just said, “tough situations do not last, but tough people do.”

On another note, aside from the Southern Belle fundraiser there’ve been many other individuals who have taken it upon themselves to help raise money for me to go back to rehab. This past Saturday (5/14) a local band, Now or Never, organized a concert benefit in my honor at a local bar called Thunders Tavern. There were a few activities happening along the coast simultaneously, such as the Gulfport Music Festival and Smoking the Sound, but despite that it was a decent turnout. I was able to attend with my sister and a group of friends- it was quite the experience! In other fundraising news, Act Natural Photography in Hurley, MS, is currently looking for people interested in an Independence Day themed photo shoot. All proceeds would go towards helping me back into rehab. Anyone interested may find the business on Facebook at ActNaturalPhotography or visit http://actnaturalphotography.net. Also, Thirty-One Gifts by Brittany McKeel currently has a fundraiser going on until Tuesday, May 31st. Her store is located in Ocean Springs, MS, so if you decide to order and you are not local, please arrange to have it shipped directly to you. Her products are absolutely adorable, they include but are not limited to: totes, purses, bags, wallets, stationary and much more. If you are interested, please visit her site at http://www.mythirtyone.com/BrittanyMcKeel/.  In addition, Pamela Roberts Glenn with Designs by Pam has recently begun selling insulated tumblers. They sell for $13, plus a $5 shipping charge if you are not local. The deadline to order is Wednesday, June 1st. To find out more about the tumblers, log onto Facebook and search DesignsbyPam.

Last but not least, there is currently a River Run being organized for July 9th. It will be hosted by Sea Dawgs in Moss Point, MS. Let me briefly try to describe what exactly a River Run is as best as I can. - You can participate by boat or by car. It is like a poker game- You pay $50 for a ticket, you may have as many people as you want on a ticket, and if you win, the cash prize would be split between how many people are on that ticket. You will travel to each fishing camp where somebody will be waiting to pass out a card. This is not a race, so take your time, enjoy the weather, kick back and relax. It will end at Sea Dawgs in Moss Point. The person with the best hand will win a $500 cash prize. In addition, we are working on getting bands and musicians, arts and craft vendors, and food donations to have outside of Sea Dawgs throughout the day. If you or anyone you know would be interested, please get in touch with me ASAP at Katy.Blake@ymail.com. You can also find the event page on Facebook simply by searching for “Katy Blake River Run.” This is where all new and immediate details will be promptly posted.

I would like to take a minute to talk about the multiple fundraisers that have been going on. The Help Katy Back to Rehab Facebook page was originally created to bring awareness and publicize my story. All of the people who have coordinated these fundraisers have done so on their own accord, on their own time and energy. I am extremely grateful for each and every person who not only organized, but to all those who are participating in helping me get back to inpatient rehabilitation. I have a slight concern about people being bombarded with so many fundraising options happening all at once. Like I said, the creation of the Facebook page was for awareness, and while I am forever indebted to all those helping me fundraise, it was not my original intention. It is important to me that everyone knows how extremely grateful I am. A friend of mine said it best and I will use his quote now to end this topic, “I am looking for a hand up, not a handout.”

I have recently gained more media coverage as well. Last Friday I did an interview for WGUD, a local station here in Pascagoula. It will air tonight after 5 PM on channel 19. We do not know a specific time, so my mother has set the DVR recorder to tape between 5-11. Tomorrow I will skim through it and try to find my segment. Hopefully WGUD will allow me permission to post it online for those of you who are not local or who do not regularly watch channel 19. However, if they do not, then no worries. Doug Walker of WLOX is coming to my home Friday morning to interview me. This is the next step of generating more interest towards my story, the story of keeping great determination to overcome my obstacles and how I am using social media to spread awareness. As soon as I know when it will air, the time will be posted on Facebook. In addition, I will also ask their permission to post it online for those of you who are not local.

Friday will also prove to be an interesting day because my mother and I have a meeting that afternoon with the Mississippi Department of Rehabilitation and Vocational Rehab all at the same time. The frustrations of our state programs and lack of communications between agencies is a whole other blog entry entirely. Just the thought of talking about it right now upsets me. But needless to say, Medicaid is absolutely ridiculous and I sincerely hope to expose that in the WLOX interview. I will dedicate another day to talking about the different departments in which we’ve had to contact each one to find out about different programs they offer. But in a nutshell, the meeting Friday will be about what I qualify for and how to get my full Medicaid benefits back. Once I have my full Medicaid, when the new fiscal year begins in July, I will be allotted another 30 days of inpatient care, that includes hospitalization or rehabilitation. I sincerely hope not to be hospitalized for any reason because I intend to use all 30 days for rehab. All of the money that has been donated and raised will also be used to buy extra time at rehab.

And finally, if you have stuck with me this far you deserve to know the most exciting news of all. The Sigma Nu chapter at Ole Miss has an annual philanthropy called the Charity Bowl. Each year in March, they host a Charity Bowl intramural where all the proceeds from ad sales, ticket sales, T-shirt sales, and a bid from the opposing fraternity will go towards the most deserving recipient who has been afflicted with paralysis. I am very honored and excited to tell you I will be the 2012 beneficiary of the Sigma Nu Charity Bowl. I cannot begin to express my gratitude for how thankful I am to have been chosen. Because of this, and the multiple fundraisers that are currently and in the process of happening, it looks like my dream of going to The Shepherd Center next year may come true after all. May God bless each and every one of you who has made this possible for me. Let me be proof you should never give up, no matter how big the goal you never know what can happen if you don’t try. While it has been almost a year since my accident, this is still just the very beginning of my journey.

Stages of grief

Let me begin by giving you the latest updates before jumping into the deeper part of this blog entry. This past Sunday The Mississippi Press ran an article about my story. If you have not already seen this, here is the link: http://blog.gulflive.com/mississippi-press-news/2011/05/post_42.html. We considered ourselves very lucky to have it run on a Sunday and on the front page of the local section of the paper. Laura’s phone has been ringing off the hook, bless her heart! The band benefit at Thunders Tavern here in Pascagoula, originally scheduled for May 14, has been postponed. That is the same weekend of the Gulfport Music Festival and we are trying to find a weekend that is free from any holiday or events. WLOX has expressed interest in covering my story; however, I believe this has been delayed by the tornado devastation and the killing of Osama bin Laden. I have been contacted by a freelance writer for CBS and by the medical reporter for WWL out of New Orleans. I have no further details on either of those leads, just that initial contact has been made, but once I have more concrete details they will be broadcasted. In the meantime, I hope and pray that it all works out. In addition, Laura made contact with the Director of Marketing for the Southern Belle Corporation. They have also expressed interest in covering my story for their newsletter. Speaking of Southern Belle, the T-shirt fundraiser has been phenomenal! This past Thursday, we made a rash decision to do a partial order on Monday (yesterday). In just those three days we collected 227 shirt orders!! When Laura and I first started discussing this fundraiser, we were excited about just selling 100 shirts. It has truly gone above and beyond anything either of us expected. We decided to make the partial order to help lessen the workload of having all their shirts come in at once and having to organize, store and distribute such a mass order. We also hope that once more people see the shirts around town they will want to order some. The deadline for the next order is May 15. If there is still enough interest and demand after the 15^th, we will definitely consider doing a third order but we must have at least 50 to do so. Just a reminder- to all my new chair-friendly friends, if you decide to order one make sure you specify you want a front design. All of the information can of course be found at www.rehabforkaty.formyfriends.org.

Today I would like to talk about the five stages of grief (some people say five, some people say seven, I grouped some of mine together- so it's five.) Before I dive into that, I want to discuss myself for a moment. My goodness how cocky that sounds! But I suppose it is my blog and you are already here, so you might as well read. I have never been very good at describing myself; especially when it came to things like the Facebook profile. How to sum up your personality in a certain number of words? I pretty much consider myself an open book, you ask and I'll tell you how it is. Since starting my Help Katy to Rehab page, my friends list has increased by almost 200 people. I started thinking maybe perhaps I should figure out something to write in my info besides “bomb diggity.” Apparently, bomb diggity does not give a clear description of who I am. Despite the trouble I've previously had, when I decided to change it, it almost came naturally. It now says this: “June 13, 2010, I was injured at a diving accident leaving me an incomplete quadriplegic. I fractured my C-5, meaning I'm paralyzed from the chest down. It was a true blessing in disguise. Who you are is not based on physical capabilities; it is your heart and your soul. I am a very strong and determined person to overcome any obstacles life decides to throw my way. Sense of humor is a must, you almost need it just to survive ( or at least to stay sane ) I live without regrets, I learn from my mistakes, I tell people what I think and I love with all my heart. Never said I was perfect, never pretended to be, and never expect it of anybody else. If you remember nothing else, remember this: Count your blessings and not your problems.” And if that does not give you a good sense of who I am, just watch my latest bloopers video on YouTube. I will attach at the bottom of the entry for your convenience.. ;)

Now, onto the five stages of grief… I've said it many times and I'll say it again, I am a human being. Although I really believe I've handle my situation with great strength and grace, I have had my bad days. I've cried, gotten angry, broken down and thought it was all over. We all must release these emotions to start the healing process of whatever despairing situation we find ourselves in. From day one, I kept the smile on my face, even with the trache my throat, deep down knowing it could only go up from here. Shortly after the heavy meds wore off in the hospital (once I got past thinking the nursing staff was trying to kill me-yes, it is true I did, but that is another story entirely) my mother explained to me I would go through the stages of grief just as I did after my father passed away. The first thing I thought was ‘uh oh’- my dad died when I was only 11. I really could not process it at the time and it haunted me until I finally broke down a year or 2 later. I did not cope with it in the same way that I did my injury- which is a good thing. If I had handled my injury the same way I did his passing, I would still be in denial. Alas, it was from the death of my father I learned how to cope with emotionally distressed situations. Like I've said before, everything happens for a reason. Of course I wish there was some way to change what happened to him and for him to still be here, but I do not think I would be nearly as strong if that were the case. Onto the first stage-

Stage I:  Shock and denial

When my friends were pulling me out of the water I kept exclaiming to my friend, “I cannot be paralyzed, it cannot be true, I just cannot be paralyzed.” She tried to reassure me, and I think herself, by telling me maybe it was just a pinched nerve. Although as soon as I hit bottom and my body went numb I knew, I kept trying to convince myself otherwise. Maybe it was just a pinched nerve, surely in a few hours I would regain all the feeling back. Even after two weeks in the hospital, when I was finally starting to remember everything, once I realized I had full sensation down to my toes I started to believe I would walk out of there. I thought “Pssh.. This doctor doesn’t know who I am or what he is talking about.” It almost seemed like a dream, I had this crazy thought in my head I was invincible and nothing like this could happen to me. Well, as we all know, I was wrong. It seemed like the end of the world but little did I know it was just the beginning.

Stage II: Pain and guilt

As the weeks went on and the shock started to wear off, the pain and guilt began to settle in. I won't lie, I love being the center of attention… I mean come on, I am the baby of seven children- what do you expect, really? But when I realized that my mom was living out in a motorhome in the Forrest General Hospital parking lot (for those who did not know, I was two hours away from my hometown Pascagoula), I felt horrible. Not to mention my hometown family and friends traveling 2 to 3 times a week to come see me. Thinking of the gas prices, the time it took and the effort made me feel worse than the actual physical pain of the injury. I hated having to ask my family to walk across the room to bring me a drink when I was thirsty, much less been traveling 100 miles just to see me 5x a day for 30 min. at a time. I felt like it was my entire fault that my mom had to go from our wonderful home in Pascagoula to staying in a motorhome in a hospital parking lot. After her time in a FEMA trailer after Katrina, I knew this was her nightmare. Now, of course, I realize this is what family is for and my family is very special. 

Stage III: Anger and bargaining

This was a tough phase for me. Once I began the process the magnitude of my situation, I kept replaying the accident in my head, not to mention the countless nightmares that followed. This is something I have not spoken of much but I feel like, for my own personal growth, that I must. As I've stated before, a friend and I were horseplaying before running to the water. What caused me to run to the water was the fact my friend decided to spit on me which disgusted me. I wanted to wash off as quickly as possible and of course you know how that resulted. It was really hard not to be angry, I kept thinking to myself, “Well, if that had not happened, I would not have dove into the water.” But in the end, we all make our own decisions. I think what finally clicked and helped to dissolve my anger was realizing this: I would rather be the one hurt then the one feeling guilty for hurting another. I don't blame him for what happened. In fact, it was he that finally pulled me out of the water so he technically saved my life. Had he not pulled me up, I felt like my lungs were to explode at any second. How can I be angry at the person who pulled me out? Forgiveness has a powerful effect and once you learn to do so, you’ll find yourself a lot happier in life. Enough about anger lets discuss bargaining. I distinctly remember getting my MRI. I must have still been coming down from the heavy drugs because I believed that I was going to die in that machine. In my mind, I kept seeing a bright light that I was fighting to stay away from. Before the accident, I was not super religious. I believed there was a God, but did not understand why he had put me in so many tough situations from such a young age. I now believe it was to prepare me for my current situation, my greatest obstacle yet. During my MRI I pleaded with him, promising to change my life if he would just save me. You may think I'm crazy, and who knows I just may be, drugs or not, that night in the machine I saw my dad talking to God and asking him to spare me. I may not be walking (yet) but I am still alive, I did not suffer a traumatic brain injury, I have full sensation and have progressed farther than doctors expected. That night in the MRI machine changed my life, for I truly believe God answered my prayers.

Stage IV: Depression, reflection and loneliness

During my four months in the hospital, I was constantly surrounded by new friends, old friends, family and medical staff. In fact, I still talk to many of my therapist, nurses and nurse aides. When I finally returned home to Pascagoula on October 5, all of that changed. Whereas before I was surrounded by different people, all day every day, I suddenly found myself with only a handful of people to physically interact with. Most of my hometown friends are off at college or in their careers and have moved away from Pascagoula, so other than my family I really only had two good friends in my town. This was when I encountered the loneliness. Sure, I had Facebook and text message but that does not replace face-to-face social interaction. Coming home I also discover the depression. While in the hospital and rehab I felt very normal in my situation- there were others like me, nurses knew how to take care of me and the buildings were accommodated for me. When I finally got home, it seemed like I suddenly realized my disabilities. I could not get into the comfortable chaise I loved to lounge in; there was to be no more sitting at the bar while my mom worked in the kitchen; and getting in the whirlpool bathtub was out of the question. To see all the things that I previously loved and enjoyed made me realize how little I could do with my new disability. I would sit in the sun room and stare out at the gorgeous day, wishing I could just put my feet in the grass or plant flowers in the garden. Knowing that I would not be doing any of these things any time soon severely depressed me. While at FGH they had prescribed me the antidepressant Lexapro. Now I am going to try and carefully word this so not to offend anybody, I know there is such thing as a chemical imbalance that causes depression. But my own personal train of thought is mind over matter, I did not believe I needed to be on antidepressants and although I expressed this to both doctors at FGH and Methodist, they did not attempt to take me off of it. So after arriving home, despite the depression and loneliness I was feeling, I weaned myself off Lexapro. There was no magic cure or drug to fix how I felt after coming home; all it took was some time to adjust. Thankfully, this stage did not last for long.

Stage V: Acceptance and hope

After a month or two of being released into the “real world” it became easier to accept my disability. In the hospital it was so easy because everybody knew what they were doing, I knew what to expect, everything was accommodated for me, and I felt normal being amongst other spinal cord injuries. Going out in the public heighten my anxiety. What would people think when they saw me? I did not want people to feel sorry or pity towards me, but I knew if the roles were reversed and they were my friend, I would feel sorry for them. I know now when people stare it is more because they are curious about what happened. Today, I have accepted and embraced my disability. Anybody who knows me knows I joke about it more and more every day. It is my way of putting other people at ease, as well as providing a chuckle. What gave me my hope back is the success of the Help Katy Back to Rehab Facebook fan page. It has been three weeks today that the page was created and I am very close to 2000 followers. So many exciting things are happening so quickly that it's almost hard for me to keep up. But to have complete strangers reach out to me, to offer their own time and effort to help someone they've never met, has restored my hope and joy. Like I said before, I consider myself an open book. If by sharing my story and my experiences I have the power to inspire others or to stop someone from making a mistake, then in the end it will all be worth it. 

This is quite a long one. As always, thanks for your continued interest and support in my recovery. I would not be this far without it. Like I said in my Facebook bio, count your blessings and not your problems, so here is to counting mine:

I am blessed to be alive; to not have a traumatic brain injury; to not have a complete or a higher level of spinal cord injury; to have progressed further than originally predicted; to have had a great team of doctors, nurses, nurse aides, and therapists to take care of me; to have a wonderful family and group of friends that love me no matter what; to have a fantastic new group of Facebook friends also in wheelchairs for peer support; to have complete strangers reach out to me and help me in my time of need; and blessed to continue to be inspired and inspire others.